omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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