can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
