6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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