I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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