my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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