Already got asked if we're dating
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
