My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
