My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
