he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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