After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I need to stop coming to work sober
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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