I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
