im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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