Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
