Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
