i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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