id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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