Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
