alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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