How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
