five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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