Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
