So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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