my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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