Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
