omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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