The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
