i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize