I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
