If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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