For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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