We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
