I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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