Only a mothe r could love this liver
He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
