So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
