The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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