Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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