I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
