Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
