Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
