We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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