Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
