I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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