Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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