Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
