i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
