hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
