Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
