dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
