am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
