She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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