someone threw a dead crab at me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
