will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
