Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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